Slapp liberalist og politiske kyr

av Unknownrebel Lagret under: humor, religion on juli 2nd, 2009

Jeg må bare beklage til den harde kjerne at det har vært lite poster i det siste. Sola har gjort meg slapp. Jeg kommer sterkt tilbake når kreftene og skrivelysten kommer igjen. Er det forresten noen som vil se noe skriverier om noe spesielt tema, kan man legge igjen beskjed etter pipetonen. Så kanskje jeg svarer.

Til så lenge kan du le av denne klassikeren;

Political Philosophy 101

The Two Cows Example of Political Philosophy begins with two cows.*

FEUDALISM:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

BUREAUCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

APPLIED COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

ANARCHY:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows’ milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.

COUNTERCULTURE:
Wow, dude, there’s like… these two cows, man. You have *got* to have some of this milk. I mean totally.

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

THERAPYISM:
You have two cows. One is a metaphor for your inner child. The other is the manifestation of anger toward a parental figure. You take one of the cows on walks through grassy fields by the gentle ocean waves. The other you beat with an anger bat.

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Latterlig, farlig overtro

av Unknownrebel Lagret under: religion on mars 10th, 2009

“An Islamic regime must be serious in every field… There are no jokes in Islam. There is no humour in Islam. There is no fun in Islam.”

- Ayatollah Khomeini

Nå er denne grinebitern død, men var han her skulle jeg gjort mitt aller beste for å få lurt frem et smil bak det hellige skjegget hans.
Kan man ikke le i Islam, så kan man vel le av Islam. Det skulle bare mangle.

-Hvor mange muslimer trengs for å skifte en lyspære?
-Ingen, de sitter bare i mørket og skylder på jødene.

-Hva har Hiroshima og Teheran til felles?
-Ingenting, så langt…

En mann går inn i en sexforretning og spør etter en sexdukke. Mannen bak disken spør om han vil ha den kristne eller muslimske versjonen. “Hva er forskjellen på de to?”, spør kunden. “Vel”, sier innehaveren, “den kristne dukken må du bruke pumpe på, mens den muslimske blåser seg opp selv.”

To fedre i Hamas snakker sammen. Den ene tar frem lommeboken sin og viser bildene han har av sønnene sine.
“Dette er Mohammed, Abdulla, Yasser…” Den andre smiler litt skrått og sier;
“Ja, de sprenges så raskt.”

Du vet du er medlem av Taliban når:

- Heroin er levebrødet ditt, men du har moralske innvendinger mot øl.
- Du eier et maskingevær og en bazooka til den nette sum av 7000 $, men du har ikke råd til sko.
- Du har flere koner enn du har tenner.
- Du kommer ikke umiddelbart på noen du ikke har erklært hellig krig mot.
- Du anser TV som farlig, men du har til enhver tid eksplosiver i kappen din.
- Når du ofte bruker følgende frase; “Jeg liker hva du har gjort med hulen din.”
- Du blir overrasket over at mobiltelefoner har andre bruksmuligheter enn å detonere bilbomber.

Og til slutt, litt visuell stimuli:

Det er en grense for hvor mye man skal respektere overtro og vås. Og eventyr som får folk til å drepe fortjener ihvertfall ingen respekt.

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Redd planeten!

av Unknownrebel Lagret under: humor on februar 18th, 2009

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